The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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