1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
3 2 1 whiskey
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
