She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
