So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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