i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
