if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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