Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When did we convert life to cartoon?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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