He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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