Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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