Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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