I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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