it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize