HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
