Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
