who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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