Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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