He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
