Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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