Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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