Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
