So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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