i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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