Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
