Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
