I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
