She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
