Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
