AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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