Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
