How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
