I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
