Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick

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  (973): oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick http://tfl.nu/qy0n
  Replies (21) Good night (1789) Bad night (512)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

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  (202): Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show http://tfl.nu/lemk
  Replies (22) Good night (2835) Bad night (735)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.

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  (662): Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45. http://tfl.nu/maq6
  Replies (40) Good night (6474) Bad night (661)
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  (+81): View more from

  I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You're never coming back, are you?

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  (+81): I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days. (+61): You're never coming back, are you? http://tfl.nu/mhpp
  Replies (63) Good night (6684) Bad night (816)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

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  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
  Replies (21) Good night (6523) Bad night (1056)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve

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  (386): I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve http://tfl.nu/p2o3
  Replies (9) Good night (2728) Bad night (792)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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  (816): I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now http://tfl.nu/qqu5
  Replies (16) Good night (2332) Bad night (822)
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  (916): View more from California

  We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench

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  (916): We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench http://tfl.nu/ch9j
  Replies (3) Good night (1895) Bad night (713)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk

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  (613): Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk http://tfl.nu/x5i0
  Replies (6) Good night (1443) Bad night (534)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  i think i broke my dog last night...fuck

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  (319): i think i broke my dog last night...fuck http://tfl.nu/y38t
  Replies (6) Good night (443) Bad night (1737)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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  (248): You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open. http://tfl.nu/8umi
  Replies (7) Good night (1530) Bad night (573)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

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  (+44): First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve. http://tfl.nu/g7kr
  Replies (2) Good night (455) Bad night (1078)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.

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  (616): what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place? (1-616): i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day. http://tfl.nu/ba7u
  Replies (2) Good night (884) Bad night (261)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Those were right hand only?

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  (847): It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times. (224): Those were right hand only? http://tfl.nu/iwna
  Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (358)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.

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  (662): I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel. http://tfl.nu/sldw
  Replies (2) Good night (597) Bad night (291)

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