Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.

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  (724): Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions. http://tfl.nu/lnut
  Replies (29) Good night (810) Bad night (2437)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

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  (617): That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head. http://tfl.nu/g2zg
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea

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  (630): just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea http://tfl.nu/jqzl
  Replies (10) Good night (668) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting

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  (916): I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting http://tfl.nu/umsk
  Replies (18) Good night (1128) Bad night (3482) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..

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  (612): I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket.. http://tfl.nu/9yr8
  Replies (7) Good night (846) Bad night (3645) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

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  (402): I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise. http://tfl.nu/i6qg
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.

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  (778): When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back. http://tfl.nu/pu4u
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?

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  (+61): She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental? http://tfl.nu/sd8n
  Replies (21) Good night (1272) Bad night (2552) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler

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  (509): We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler http://tfl.nu/7vbk
  Replies (12) Good night (1307) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.

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  (360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.

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  (701): second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life. http://tfl.nu/2fc0
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.

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  (847): He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris. http://tfl.nu/t2sy
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.

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  (501): I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job. http://tfl.nu/8e8h
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.

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  (712): ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was. http://tfl.nu/plh1
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.

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  (479): I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital. http://tfl.nu/6mwi
  Replies (1) Good night (484) Bad night (148) Order T-Shirt

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