we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Four minutes until I can fart!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit