I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.