i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.