You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
