covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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