Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
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