I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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