Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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