I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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