There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
