Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
