Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
