She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
