I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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