he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
