i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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