Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
