is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I cockslap morals
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
