So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize