carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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