It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
