i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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