I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
