she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
