omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
