Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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