i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
