hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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