you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
