I seem to have left my pride at pride
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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