So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
