Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
