Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
