i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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