At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
