i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
