I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
