i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
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cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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