Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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