Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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