Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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