Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
even my farts smell like vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
